I'm challenged today.

Disclaimer: please don't misinterpret these questions as me being down on myself or having poor esteem. (Though my esteem is not about me but Christ in me.) I'm posting these questions because I really think they're healthy ones. I'm sure you folks are already asking these questions, but here they are anyway!

I think a lot about grace. Here's the thought today: Am I ministering grace?

Am I really trusting the Lord in me and in those around? Am I allowing those I love to have the space to be themselves AND to stumble? Am I trying to regulate their lives and my own with rules and guidelines? Am I a neo-pharisee?

There's a place for methodical discipline. But is my discipline based on God's grace or my need to feel in control? Am I motivated by a fear of "wildfires"? Is it my strength or His Grace?

His Grace is sufficient. Am I living Grace?

I'm not lazy

So for about ....ah... forever I believed, and said, that I was lazy. It was partly a way to hide and partly how I really saw me BUT this past year has shown me in a really clear way that it's just not true. I just wanted to celebrate this liberating truth. When I finally heard God's truth on this it changed my life. Like a ton of bricks dropped one at a time God is changing me! There's hope for everbody.
His name is Jesus.

He's dreamy.

The pic is for irony.

Guts and Grace

It's the one year anniversary of my joining L'Arche Saint John. Tonight we celebrated. It felt pretty great. Flowers, candles, food, love. L'Arche sure knows how to party.

I'm pretty pensive about this past year. Pondering it's highs and lows. There have been so many of each. So now a year after jumping in feet first I'm checking the rear view mirror.

Some day I'll write a book and I'll call it, "Guts and Grace". That's what has sustained me this year.

Guts: I've always been a fairly fearful gal. No longer. I'm not about to sign up for fear factor, but this whole year has been such a bag of unknowns. Everytime I've pulled my hand out of the bag God has seen me through, weather it's been a scorpion in my hand or a daisy. God is faithful, I'm learning to trust the God voice in my gut.

It's also clear that I don't really know what I'm doing. I've got a HUGE amount of responsibilty; The kind that school and other jobs don't prepare you for, heart responsibilties. Not that I'm a stranger to loving people, but I've never been this vulnerable and this needed. It's making my heart calm.

And Grace: Life here has been like cooking bacon in my bathing suit. A little painful but worth it. Golly I love bacon. lol. God's grace has been so real and so present. Sometime people come up to me and tell me how they could never do what I'm doing, I worry about that becasue I hope they don't think I'm perfect at this...I'm just NOT. I am learning about grace; God's grace for me, my grace for others, their grace for me. Accepting it is hard, but life giving and altering. There have also been so many things that could have gone really wrong that haven't or have been contained. That's Grace when life is fragile. I love God and he's all about grace.

So there it is. Guts and Grace.

Brookwood Photos

Here's the view from the chaplain's quarters where Em and I slept. What a blessing to sit on the porch reading the bible and hearing kids laughing and the sound of cannon balls from the pool.

This is Em sporting a chicken hat for staff intros....which consists of the staff dressing up like idiots, being introduced and then jumping into the pool to a chorus of "Cannon ball, cannon ball"

I just need to take a minute to gush about this woman. Emma Gillies is a fabulous person. What a gift she is to me. She rocked as a side kick this week! From forcing me shower to lying on the floor while we wrote songs in Spanish...she can't be beat.




Our super her theme was a super hit. We called the chapel the phonebooth-because that's where average folks transform into Super heroes. And when they came in they had to put on masks and stuff and we calle dthem by super hero names. It was a lot of fun. Thanks for all of your prayers internet friends. God opened a lot of doors and ears. By the end of the weeks a couple of the kids were begging to be allowed to come and pray with the worship team before the service. As one super dude was praying for the life guard, Sarah, he said " Lord, thank you that Sarah keeps us from drowning in the pool, so that we can live one more day to pray and praise you." Praise the Lord!


This is a friend that Emma and I met at camp. She's hilarious and if I didn't know better I'd swear she was related to us.

Thanks to all the friends who dropped by the camp last week. Hooray for Nick and Alicia, Sarah Couper and Nan and Grampy Till.

This is an amazing young lady who blessed my socks off this week. She brought joy, and dancing. She brought people together. She left part way through the week but was able to come back for the last chapel. She came in the door just as we settled in to sing her favorite song "King of Love" (she knew all the actions), and when the kids saw her they jumped up to hug her and wanted to sit next to her.

Leaving was hard. I had forgotten how alive I feel at camp. I rediscovered some joy that I'd been out of touch with. I also got to meet some amazing people that I already knew. This is a picture of the Brookwood Salute that our family received as we drove out of camp. (yes those are fireworks-don't try this at home). Most of the staff this summer was a camper of mine during my years at Brookwood. Most of them were not the most well behaved or co-operative as campers. BUT I am over joyed to say that as astaff they rose to meet the call. Jesus was glorified in the way they served and loved those campers. I love this picture because of the guys in it. Men of God, all four of them, all at different places on the journey, all with different gifts and callings.

Thanks Everybody! Thanks Jesus!

Brookwood Bound

Well this is it. The night before I, yet again, brave the untamed wilderness of Camp Brookwood. Can I tell y'all that I'm SO EXCITED! I imagine this giddy nervous feeling is what average kids experienced the night before camp. I, on the other hand, couldn't stand camp and really didn't want to go, so for me it was just dull resignation.
But this, this feels great! I can't wait to see old friends and meet new ones.

My sister Emma (cute as a button-by the way) and I are going to be the chaplains this coming week for a bag full of 8-11 year olds. We've put together an awesome superhero training week (hence the logo). It should rock...at least for me...I get to wear a cape! And while a cape doesn't guarantee a good time....who am I kidding it really really does.

I know there are a lot of die hard Medley fans out there, but for me there's just something about Brookwood. I think it probably has to do with the fact that Brookwood is where God called me the day after I got serious about Jesus. I called the camp and said "I want to come and work at camp" and the brilliant folks on the other end said "great". Brookwood is also the place where I felt the thrill of being a vessel for God...that's an addiction I pray I'll never break. Brookwood is also the first place that really said,"we trust you and we want you to lead". Those are some important firsts. Ones that have changed who I am and what I invest in.

So friends, Romans, country folk; lend me your prayers.

• pray that Emma and I will be clothed in God's holy armor, that we'll have wisdom and discernment, that God will speak through us.
• pray for encouragement for the weary staff entering their final week of the camping season.
• pray that lives will be changed by the miracle of relationship with a living, loving God.
• and anything else the Lord is saying to you!

Thanks in advance for your prayers and thoughts! Can't wait to show y'all the pictures!

Until next week!

Neil and Raffi

My Mom is a fabulous woman of God...she's also a preschool teacher. She's influenced my life in way more ways than I can count.

Musically however there have been two main ways...Neil Young and Raffi. That's right, the "Grand Daddy of Grunge" and one of Canada's most beloved children's entertainers.

Here is my opinion. Raffi is not just for 4 year olds. He's got some really profound stuff. Ok maybe not "Banana Phone". (Although it is dangerously catchy). I'd like to share my all time favorite Raffi song. I find myself worshiping on a deep level when I sing this song. It's simple and it's true. It's called...

Thanks a lot

Thanks a lot. Thanks for the sun in the sky.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for the clouds so high.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for the whispering wind.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for the birds in spring.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for the moon lit night.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for the stars so bright.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for the wonder in me.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for the way I feel.

Thanks for the animals.
Thanks for the land.
Thanks for the people everywhere.

Thanks a lot. Thanks for all I've got.

It's a lot more profound when you hear it coming from Raffi himself. BUT if you must hear it now, you can check out some random guy named matthew singing it on his blog. Gotta love the internet!
http://matthew.castpost.com/172834.html

Grateful to be Behind

I have a friend and when she laughs my hair stands on end because I know that God Himself is grinning with pride. Tonight she bought a yellow skirt with a butterfly and a rose embroidered on it. She picked it out herself and that was a really big deal. When she got home she was telling some one all about it on the phone, as I happened to come into the room. She said, "No it's true I did the whole thing myself, I even paid with my own money. Gray was right behind me the whole time."

Sometimes it's hard to stay "behind". Sometimes I just want to run ahead. I don't want to be patient and let people grow on there own. If I had my way I'd throw them on the rack and stretch them that last 6 inches. Praise the Lord I don't get my way.

What a blessing to be allowed by God to be a witness to that kind of growth and joy. I have discovered grace and beauty in being the stem of the rose and the cocoon of the butterfly.

Hold on tight...here we go!

I'm warning y'all out there that I won't be good at keeping this up, but I will be honest when I do. And that's the best I can offer.

So here we go, launching into the Blog-o-sphere.

Just in case there are folks out there who don't know me or who have forgotten everything that they DID know about me, or it's just been a while. I'll give you the nutshell.

I'm Gray and I live in Saint John, New Brunswick. I'm a Christian, but I'm not always very good at it. Fortunately I've got an amazingly gracious God who loves the socks off me. Oh Boy do I every love Him. In my small and imperfect way I'm trying to live for Him and seek His Kingdom in all that I do.

"But Gray what do you do?" you may well ask.

I live and love in a brand new L'Arche Community. L'Arche homes are made up of people with intellectual disabilities and the people who come along side of them to help create home. So I'm a homemaker. Sometimes I call myself a "Professional Lover"(which is a joke-just to be clear). Either way this is the most challenging and life giving thing I've ever lived. I'm stretched everyday and I love that. I cry a lot and I laugh a lot. I'm learning to stop doing and just be.

Jesus you said "Blessed are the poor in spirit".

Lord my ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen.

Another amazing piece of my life are the Brothers and Sisters, Christ has blessed me with in my Chruch Army family. If you've never met this crazy posse, who've missed out. Church Army is a group of men and women whom God has called to preach and live His word with a passionate desire to see folks come into relationship with Jesus Christ and His revolutionary Kingdom. We had our National Conference last month and let me tell you, what a joy and a privilege to worship with these people. At one point I was just in tears as I looked around the room and it felt like I was surrounded by God's Oaks and Cedars of Faith. In life they may be weathered and marred but in Christ they're strong, declaring God's praise. It inspires me and I'm grateful to be called by God and to be called a "Captain". How awesome is that! It makes us sound like super heros!

Well there it is. This ended up being a lot more serious than I imagined it would be. but hey it's a start. You'll have to come back though because let me tell you I'm fairly ridiculous and sometimes entertaining. So, until next time. xoxoxo