Guts and Grace

It's the one year anniversary of my joining L'Arche Saint John. Tonight we celebrated. It felt pretty great. Flowers, candles, food, love. L'Arche sure knows how to party.

I'm pretty pensive about this past year. Pondering it's highs and lows. There have been so many of each. So now a year after jumping in feet first I'm checking the rear view mirror.

Some day I'll write a book and I'll call it, "Guts and Grace". That's what has sustained me this year.

Guts: I've always been a fairly fearful gal. No longer. I'm not about to sign up for fear factor, but this whole year has been such a bag of unknowns. Everytime I've pulled my hand out of the bag God has seen me through, weather it's been a scorpion in my hand or a daisy. God is faithful, I'm learning to trust the God voice in my gut.

It's also clear that I don't really know what I'm doing. I've got a HUGE amount of responsibilty; The kind that school and other jobs don't prepare you for, heart responsibilties. Not that I'm a stranger to loving people, but I've never been this vulnerable and this needed. It's making my heart calm.

And Grace: Life here has been like cooking bacon in my bathing suit. A little painful but worth it. Golly I love bacon. lol. God's grace has been so real and so present. Sometime people come up to me and tell me how they could never do what I'm doing, I worry about that becasue I hope they don't think I'm perfect at this...I'm just NOT. I am learning about grace; God's grace for me, my grace for others, their grace for me. Accepting it is hard, but life giving and altering. There have also been so many things that could have gone really wrong that haven't or have been contained. That's Grace when life is fragile. I love God and he's all about grace.

So there it is. Guts and Grace.