If this post was food it might be a salad... little bit of everything tossed together.

so much to say, so little clarity.

I'm in a season of discerning. Discerning God's will for my life at this juncture. Do I continue with L'Arche? Do I pursue another full time ministry? Do I sit on my bum and solve sudoku puzzles for the next 6 months?

I'm not gonna lie, the third option is where I'm leaning at this point. But I'd only do the easy puzzles so that I'd feel like a super genius. Which is neither here nor there because I'm not convinced that this is the option that would honour God. (Though I guess I'm open to hearing otherwise.)

Those of you who know me know that I am a compulsive self-analyzer. ( Now the rest of you know it too....later I'll think about this and decide if it was a good idea to tell you, then I'll ponder my love of mini-sips, and then I'll spend probably spend some time thinking about the way the Dixie Chicks have weaseled their way into my daily soundtrack, then I'll figure out if this has anything to do with the way I've been craving fudge.)

Anyway, this constant analyzing means that in a season of discerning my mind is working 24/7. Usually on things other than the Dixie Chicks and Mini-Sips. Sometimes I think if you could smell emotional states mine would smell like an long dormant heater being turned on for the first time in the fall. Like burning dust.

I find that my brain gets so fried from thinking that I lose the steam I had for seeking God. And sometimes I'm so busy thinking, that I forget to include Him in my thoughts. I forget where I'm supposed to be directing the swirling mass of wonder that is my mind.

So I want to share with y'all something that I've found really helpful in those times ( like now) when my brain-pot has boiled dry.

Prayer beads.

I hope y'all are still with me. I'm not talking about something new-agey, or multi-faithy.

You see a friend got a set as a gift a while back. When I read the brochure on "Anglican Prayer Beads" that came with them I thought they sounded pretty neat and so I made my self a set.

I have found that moving my fingers along this string of beads repeating a simple prayer or scripture really helps me to stay focused and get quiet. Obviously there is nothing mystical about this, it's really quite logical. It's the same idea as a breath prayer.
I don't use beads all the time, but when I do I find that I am more conscious of directing my thoughts to God. So if you're looking for more info, instructions on making your own set, or prayers to use, check out the link below.

http://www.kingofpeace.org/prayerbeads.htm

If the beads don't interest you... maybe this will!

[print version]

Visit http://www.dailysudoku.com/sudoku/kids/ for more puzzles, solutions, hints, books and other resources.

Dearest Blog,

Oh Blog.

I am shocked by my own careless neglect of you in the last couple of weeks. So saddened was I that I chose to hide my forehead behind a mask of shame. So distraught was I that even making a snake tongue out of trail-marking tape and making hissing noises would not cheer me up.

And so I resolve to post on or before Monday, October 23rd. Keep me accountable, Inter-Web!

Know what happens if you put a Duck in your Armpit?

I do.

Sadly, not from experience.

My Brother, Jesse, is in his second year of Forestry at The Hugh John Fleming Center in Fredericton. This last week they have been banding ducks. Last night Jesse was explaining how easy ducks are to band because they are so visual. If they can't see, they can't function.

All you have to do is put the duck's head in your arm pit, making it impossible for them to see what's happening and then they just give up and go limp. Apparently if you band at night all you have to do is flip them over...cuz it's dark.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, when I'm attempting to be more thankful than usual, I am thankful to be unlike a duck.

God has built us differently. Even if we can't see, we can still function. It might not be smooth, but it's possible. The same holds true spiritually. Even when we've let Satan stuff us in his metaphorical armpit, though it's dark and kinda stinky, we don't need to give up and go limp.

So this Thanksgiving I'm thinking about Victory. Christ's victory over the darkness, over sin, over the devil.

1 Corinthians 15:54b-58

"Death has been swallowed up in victory."

"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to
God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you.
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your
labor in the Lord is not in vain.

I am thankful for Christ's victory over the Armpit!

Transition

Do you ever get tired of being in a constant state of flux?

Once I heard the teenage years described as "a tumultuous re-definition". I like that. Call me crazy but I don't think you have to be a teenager to have a tumultuous re-definition.

In fact I might be having one right now. no wait.....righhhhhhht now. yup there it is.

It's like I'm still walking the same path, same goal. I'm just wearing a different outfit. Humming a different tune. And carrying a head of lettuce, staring quizzically at it, like, "What the Heck?"

The preacher at Uptown tonight said lots of good things. Here's what hit me between the eyes.

Life is Insecure.

I'm not a great swimmer. When I was little I took swimming lessons at the Aquatic Centre every week. Sometimes as a "treat" our life guard would let us go off the giant water slide. This was NOT a treat for me, in fact I found it terrifying. (But I was SO not going to say anything because I had a crush on the life guard-who told me that I looked like Princess Lea from Star Wars.)

So I began by climbing some very large stairs, trying not to look down. I'd position my shaking little body in the tepid stream of chlorine water and push off. I'd often fall over or get stuck (probably because of the tension of my terrified little muscles). Eventually I'd see the end in sight. My heart would leap into my throat, making it hard to breath just when that was fairly crucial. And then the drop. Like one of those falling dreams only real. I'd hit the water after a 10 foot drop....which usually hurt. And then the really scary part. the Water.

I was plunged way too far into the water. I'd flail and try and struggle to figure out which way way up, the whole time making sure that my bathing suit was where it should be, oh yeah and fighting the urge to suck in a lung full of water. The not knowing which way is up part was always the worst thing.

Life's like that. Insecure.

But the truth is that there's a life guard who promises to stick by us. Things get kind of scary. We get turned around, but God is faithful and true. He'll never leave us or forsake us. And he promises the we "can do all things through Christ who strengthens [us]".

We're insecure. But He is Secure.

"Little ones to him belong. They are weak, but He is Strong. Yes, Jesus Loves me"

Happy Birthday!

I'd like to say Happy Birthday to the Following folks- all of whom I love like crazy!

Today:

Anna Caines- you're the best, best friend I've ever had. I love you! Tornado!

Anna Smith- I love it when you sing to Jesus!

James- happy re-birthday! way to get baptized!

Uptown Church- happy 2nd birthday. You mean so much to me. I can be real with you!


Tomorrow:

Aunt Sue- I've learned a lot about how to be kind and loving from you.

Grumpy- I totally got my sense of humour from you. I've also gotten a lot of love from you and and for that I'll be grateful always.